


Mind Over Matter

by WhatTheWentz



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Guilt, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Minor Character Death, Murder, Overuse of elipses, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Very OOC, accidental murder, power overload, so much crying, yep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-14 04:40:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7998961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatTheWentz/pseuds/WhatTheWentz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Billy's powers overload and he accidentally kills six humans and twenty Kree, how will he deal with the guilt?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

Billy Kaplan was a force of nature, any one of the Avengers would tell you that.  His powers were transcendent; practically omnipotent, but with great power often came a lack of control.  Billy constantly feared that he’d end up losing it and killing innocents just like his mother, the Scarlet Witch had done so previously.

 

Every day, his boyfriend Teddy tried to convince him that these notions were ridiculous, until the point that he almost believed him; so it was quite the shock when it actually happened.

 

It was a standard mission; they were fighting off some Kree warriors who had thought it was fun to attempt to invade the planet again, and Billy figured that they had to be the most persistent, stubborn creatures in the omniverse to try it so often.

 

Ms. America and Hawkeye were fighting off one group whilst Prodigy and Speed dealt with another.  Teddy was knocking alien after alien out in his green form, looking savage and yet still beautiful to Billy, who was casting blocking spells as one of the Kree attempted to shoot him.

 

Even then, he was beginning to feel something rise in his gut, something that didn’t feel right.  He spared a look around, seeing some civilians scattered, watching the battle.

 

Suddenly, Teddy cried out in pain, and when Billy snapped his head around to check if he was alright, he saw him lying on the ground, writhing in pain, smoke coming from a wound in his stomach.

 

Billy snapped, the anger rising as he levitated upward, a pentagram of blue magical energy bursting from him.  His eyes fiercely glowed and he couldn’t help the bundle of words that escaped him, words he’d never say, but somehow did.

 

_ “Iwishtheywoulddie.”  _ he mumbled and repeated,  _ “Iwishtheywoulddie.” _

 

The words were like poison in his mouth; wrong, sickening, dirty but somehow, he could feel a swell of satisfaction rise in his chest.

 

Blue, smokey energy threaded from his fingertips before bursting out, and he heard someone -- Tommy -- mutter ‘Oh, my God’ before everything faded to black.

 

*

 

Hushed voices brought Billy back to reality, and he shuffled around, recognising he was on a bed before opening his eyes; the lights of the room were searingly blinding, and he had to blink a couple of times before his eyes would accept it.

 

“Bee?” Teddy’s voice was soft, and Billy looked in front of him to see his boyfriend sitting on the bed -- not his own, he noticed -- and resting a human-looking hand on his thigh.

 

Billy groaned, “Where am I?”

“We’re at the Avengers’ tower.” Tommy replied, and Billy looked to see his twin sitting on another bed, his face strangely solemn, “In a cell.”

 

Shakily, Billy sat up, “What?  Why?”

 

“You don’t remember what happened?” Teddy asked, and Billy noted his eyes were wet; he’d been crying.

 

The warlock shrugged, “Nope.”

 

“I’ll let big boy here explain.” Tommy said before darting out of the room a bit too eagerly.

 

Teddy closed his eyes and sighed before beginning, “You lost control of your powers after seeing me get shot.”

 

“Who did I hurt?” Billy asked, glum and disappointed in himself.

 

Teddy swallowed, opened his eyes then replied, “That’s the thing, Bee… You didn’t just  _ hurt  _ people.”

 

“Oh.” Billy swore he felt his heart stop in that moment, the horror taking a minute before it sank in, “J-Just Kree o-or?”

 

Tears welled up in Teddy’s eyes as he shook his head and explained, “There were a couple of civilians.”

 

“How many?” Billy asked, and when Teddy didn’t answer, he rose his voice,  _ “How many?!?” _

 

Teddy replied, “Six.  Six civilians and twenty Kree.”

 

“Oh, my God…” Billy lurched back, shaking his head, “No… No… I-I’m a… I’m a murderer.”

 

Teddy’s heart shattered at that, “Bee, come on… It wasn’t your fault.”

 

“How wasn’t it, Tee?!” Billy snapped, tears rolling down his cheeks, “I just… I killed them… I’m a… I’m a monster… I’m worse than that… I’m… I’m a killer!”

 

Teddy touched Billy’s shoulders in what was going to be an attempt to relieve some of the guilt, but was violently shrugged off as Billy pulled his knees up to his chest, sobbing hard.

 

_ “IwishIwassomeonebetter.”  _ he continually repeated between gasps, rocking himself as he drowned in self-hatred.

 

He had  _ killed  _ people.

 

He was no better than The Scarlet Witch, or Magneto, or any of those murderous beings.  He had taken innocent lives and all because he couldn’t control himself.

 

*

 

Hours passed, and Teddy refused to leave Billy, despite how many times he told him to go.  He couldn’t risk it, he knew that Billy had already had mental health issues, this would only complicate things.

 

Billy finally raised his head, his eyes red and his cheeks streaked with tears as he croaked, “I think I need a shower.”

 

“I’ll come with you.” Teddy offered, trying his best to be supportive.

 

Billy shook his head, “I need some alone time.”

 

He numbly shuffled into the bathroom, feeling totally and utterly void on the inside.  How cruel, to take another’s life, how evil.

 

He looked at himself in the mirror and barely recognised his reflection, it was so  _ sad  _ looking.  Gritting his teeth, he focused and the mirror began to crack over the reflection of his face before shattering.  He turned on the shower but didn’t get in, instead picking up a shard of mirror.

 

Before doing anything, he spared one last look at Teddy, only to see he was now bent over the bed, gently weeping into his arms.  He had caused this.  He deserved to be punished.

 

He ran the shard gently against his arm once before digging it in, drawing a small bit of blood.  Then he dragged the shard across the skin, seeing a line of crimson follow.

 

Teddy must’ve smelled the blood because almost immediately, he darted into the bathroom, sliding down beside Billy and grabbing his arm.

 

Just one look at the emotions written on Teddy’s face was enough to set Billy off again, sobbing hysterically.  Teddy took the shard and threw it to the other side before pulling Billy into a crushing hug, letting him empty his guilt against his chest.

 

*

 

The following day, Captain America and Iron Man came to visit Billy, who was sleeping against Teddy’s chest, the latter unable to catch a wink of it due to the horrors he had witnessed Billy commit.

  
He loved him with his entire being, that was undeniable, but this?  This was murder.

 

Despite that ideology that ran rampant in Teddy’s brain, he knew that no matter what, he’d  _ always  _ choose Billy, no matter what.

 

“Hello, son.” Cap began, his voice gentle.

 

Billy roused from his sleep with a quick grumble, hoping it had all been a dream, but only to have those hopes crushed when he saw the two Avengers.

 

“You’re here to tell me I’m either fired, jailed or executed.” Billy resigned, his voice devoid of hope.

 

Iron Man sighed, “Listen, kid…”

 

“No, I get it.” Billy said, “I killed people.  I’m a  _ monster.” _

 

Captain America sorrowfully spoke, “We’ve came to the decision that, at least, until you have more control of your abilities and mental state, you should no longer be a Young Avenger.”

 

“I sensed it coming, you know?” Billy bitterly confessed, his eyes stinging, “I sensed something was wrong.  I should’ve known.  But you guys are letting me off too lightly.  I deserve worse.  I deserve to be killed.”   
  


Iron Man shook his head, “You’re a kid, okay?  We’re not going to put you down because you made a mistake.  You can try and fix those mistakes and you can learn from them.”

 

“I killed six human beings.” Billy scoffed, “I don’t deserve another chance!”

 

“Bee--”   
  


Billy cut Teddy off, “No, Tee.   I ended these people’s lives and that’s all I get?  Time off?”

 

“You didn’t have the intention to--”   
  


Billy interjected, “That isn’t the point, Cap.  For a second, it felt good.  The magicks, the screams.  It felt right…”

 

“What do you expect us to do, kid?” Iron Man asked, “Kill you?  Oh, yeah, the Mighty Avengers, murderers of children.  No.  You made a mistake, and your punishment is to live with it, and to move past it or let it destroy you.  Your choice.”

 

Teddy then said, “If he’s off the team, so am I.  For the time being.”

 

“Tee…” Billy began.

 

Teddy held up his hand, “No.  This is my choice, and I am not going to let you suffer alone.  I’m with you, each step of the way, Bee.  ‘Till death do us part.”

 

“Very well.” Cap said, “You should be out of here by the end of today.  Feel free to drop by if you need to talk.  Your suspension lasts for nine months, if you’re not better and helping by then, then it will be permanent, you understand?”

 

Billy nodded, “I understand.”   
  


“You boys be careful.” Iron Man said, and he and Cap then left.

 

Billy sighed, “I don’t understand.  I murdered people, twenty six if you include the Kree.” he turned to Teddy, “Your species.  Why aren’t you mad?”

 

“I’m upset.” Teddy confessed, “But I know if you had control, you’dve never done it.”

 

Billy grumbled, “Maybe I’m more like the Scarlet Witch than I thought.”

 

“Yeah.” Teddy took his hand, “It wasn’t  _ her  _ fault either.  You stood up for her, remember?  And that is what I am doing for you, what  _ they  _ are doing for you.”   
  


Billy swallowed, “The others, they won’t be able to even look at me in the same way again.”

 

“Have a little faith, Bee.” Teddy suggested, resting his chin on Billy’s shoulder.

 

*

 

A while later, the rest of the Young Avengers were gathered in a room together, all anxiously letting time pass by.

 

“I can’t believe he’d do this.” Kate said, breaking the silence.

 

America sighed, “Well, princess, it was a while coming.  Kid’s all kinds of messed up.  I kinda pity him.”

 

“Don’t.” Tommy frowned, “Don’t call him messed up.  He may be my jerk brother, but I do… I care about him.”

 

David deadpanned, “Well, whaddayaknow?  Flash here  _ does _ have feelings.”

 

“We shouldn’t judge him for one mistake.” Tommy said, “He didn’t mean to do it, I know it.” the next sentence was spoken at superspeed, but everyone could guess what he was saying,  _ “AtleastIhopehedidn’t.” _

 

There was a knock at the door, then Billy walked in with Teddy.  The former looked nervous as well as broken, he was pallid, it looked like he had done some serious crying and he was subtly shaking, as if he was trying not to break.

 

_ “Hey.”  _ he greeted, then looked around, seeing that they all seemed equally as anxious --  _ great, they were scared of him. _

 

There was a beat of silence before Kate jumped out of her seat, ran over and practically threw herself into Billy’s arms, rubbing his back as she tried to hold back the tears.

 

“It’s okay.” she mumbled into his shoulder, “I forgive you.”

 

As soon as she pulled away, Tommy blurred to his twin and hugged him, showing him the rarest bit of affection -- or any emotion, really -- he’d show anyone.  When he pulled away, David took Billy’s hand in a firm handshake and nodded.

 

That left America, who Billy spared a look to.  She was sat up straight, one eyebrow arched as if she was going to reprimand him.

 

What escaped her mouth was,  _ “Well, I ain’t gonna hug ya.” _

 

“That’s not necessary.” Billy said, managing a small laugh before explaining, “I’ve been put on suspension for nine months, until I can learn to manage my sanity and my powers.”   
  


Tommy groaned, “That  _ sucks,  _ dude.”

 

“It’s the least I deserve.” Billy said, “It’s okay.  Teddy’s going to stay with me for those months, if that’s okay with you guys.”   
  


America looked confused, “You’re askin’ us… why?”

 

“W-Well, I’ve gotta… um… You guys are kinda part of my family and I thought that… Well… I want you to survive without me.” Billy struggled to explain.

 

Kate assured, “We’ll be fine, we’ll even visit.  You just focus on you.  Get better.  Make sure this doesn’t ever happen again.”

 

“Okay.” Billy nodded, then looked up at Teddy, “You ready to go, Ted?”

 

Teddy put an arm around his shoulder and nodded, “Let’s go home.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains a suicide attempt and self-harm

_ Murderer. _

 

It was like a whisper in the night, continually seeping into his dreams whenever he tried to escape the harshness of reality.  Billy had been a non-Avenger for two weeks, and by God, it was taking his toll on him.

 

Every night, non-stop nightmares.  He had googled the victims’ names to try and burn them into his memory, which only caused more trauma.

 

He knew he deserved it, he murdered innocent people, as well as the Kree, people who Teddy was related to.  He had killed some of Teddy’s family most likely, and that made him wonder; why did he stay with him?

 

_ “Stop that…”  _ Teddy’s sleep-riddled voice mumbled in Billy’s ear.

 

Billy huffed, then shuffled, getting up on his elbows, “I’m sorry.” he swallowed, “It’s just, since I…  _ you know,  _ I can’t… I keep… I keep having these  _ nightmares.   _ You, the others.  You all hate me.  You  _ leave me.” _

 

“Bee…” Teddy cupped his face, thumb tracing over his cheekbone, “I’d  _ never  _ leave you.  Neither would the others, I promise you.”

 

Billy nodded, and he could feel tears threaten him but was adamant not to let them fall; he had cried  _ too much  _ the past two weeks.

 

He deserved it; he deserved  _ worse. _

 

Teddy saw the conflict in his eyes, then gregariously offered, “You know what we should do?  Get ice cream.”

 

“It’s four in the morning, Ted.” Billy reminded him sullenly.

 

Teddy attempted to keep his facade of cheerfulness, then suggesting, “Well, we can go out on a walk and wait until the cafe opens at six.”

 

“No…” Billy sighed, “You need  _ sleep.” _

 

Teddy shook his head, “I’m  _ fine!”  _ it came out a bit too quickly, but he attempted to hide the lie behind those words, “Must be some Kree/Skrull DNA because I’m not tired at all!”

 

“I don’t want you hurting yourself because of me.” Billy said, his words sounding faintly like a plea as he stroked Teddy’s cheek.

 

Teddy promised, “I’m fine.  Scout’s honour.  Not that I was in the scouts, no idea why I said that.  Kinda dumb.”

 

“Okay.” Billy huffed, “But the first sign of tiredness, you fly us straight back home, okay?”

 

Teddy nodded, “I promise.”   
  


“Good.” Billy rested his forehead against Teddy’s, “The last thing I want is you suffering.”

 

Teddy retorted, “I could say the same about you.”

 

“We’re terrible.” Billy pouted.

 

Teddy pecked his lips pointedly before agreeing, “That’s why we’re made for each other.”

 

***

  
A shower, getting dressed (although Billy would not allow Teddy to look at him getting changed) and quiet fridge raiding later, and Billy and Teddy finally left the house, the clock now hitting 5:00 in the morning.

 

“So…” Teddy began, “What do you wanna do?  Take a flight into town?”

 

Billy nodded, “Sounds like a plan.”

 

Teddy gathered him up in his arms before two wings burst from his back; he had gotten used to shape-shifting now, at first it freaked him out, but eventually, it all got easier.  The two rose up with one flutter of his wings, and Billy clutched closer to Teddy.

 

***

  
The next hour passed surprisingly quickly as they soared through the sky, the wind rushing against their faces.  It reminded Billy of his days in the Young Avengers, but he remembered with sadness that they were all gone now, all because of a single mistake he made that ended so many lives.

 

Teddy landed as smoothly as possible then his wings disappeared as if they were never there.

 

He noticed the frown upon Billy’s face, then asked, “Bee?  You okay?”

 

“Let’s get going.” Billy swiftly avoided the subject, then offered his hand.

 

Teddy took it without question and allowed Billy to lead him into the diner, then to a table.  The diner was completely empty with the exception of the two and a couple of members of staff.

 

A waitress walked over and smiled, “Hello, boys.  You’re here early today.”

  
“Yeah.” Billy smiled, “We needed the fresh air.”

 

She nodded, then got out her notepad, “What do you two want, then?  Let me guess, fry up with some ice cream to finish off?”

 

“You know us.” Teddy tilted his head playfully.

 

The waitress disappeared back into the kitchen, and Teddy looked back round to see Billy frowning, as if his concentration was elsewhere.

 

“Bee?” he asked, snapping his boyfriend out of his daze, “You’re miles away…”

 

Billy looked like he was about to panic and words fell from his drying lips, “I-I’m sorry.”

 

“Babe… what’s wrong?” Teddy asked, then took his hand, “You look like you’re about to have a panic atta--” in Billy’s struggle, his sleeve rolled up, and immediately, he rushed to pull it back down, but Teddy grabbed his wrist to stop him.

 

The Kree-Skrull hybrid had seen many a horror in his life, but nothing truly beat this.  Running thickly up Billy’s arms were reddened, fresh scars and welts, marring his skin in an awful way.

 

Teddy gasped in shock before getting up and rushing to the men’s room.  It took Billy a minute of sitting stunned by what happened to decide to follow him, and instead of going into the room, he simply pressed his ear to the door and listened.

 

There was an unmistakable sound of a hiccup as Teddy rambled to himself, or maybe on the phone, and Billy realised with horror that he had made him cry.   He turned around and immediately walked back out, tears pricking the back of his eyes.

 

“I’m sorry about this, David…” Teddy whimpered into the receiver, “I j-just… I needed t-to--”

 

David interjected, “Calm down and tell me what’s wrong.  Do you need me to come over?”

 

“N-No…” Teddy took a deep, shuddering breath as he sat against the wall of one of the stalls, “I-I… Billy’s been harming himself and I-I… I just can’t do this anymore.  I c-can’t…”

 

David’s voice was gentle as he soothed, “Hey… it’s all gonna be okay.  Just talk to him.”

 

“I don’t know if I can…” Teddy rested his head in his hands, drawing his knees up to his chest, “I feel like I’m going to lose him.”

 

David sighed, “Ted… You’re strong, probably the strongest on this team.  You’ve been through so much shit, and you keep going.  Inspire that strength in him.  I know you can.”   
  


“Okay.” Teddy sniffled, “Thanks, David.”

 

David replied, “No problem.  Just give magic boy a hug from me and Tommy, okay?”

 

“Okay.” Teddy nodded, “‘Bye.”

 

When he hung up, he wiped the tears off his face, shakily got to his feet and gathered himself.

 

Then, he left the men’s room to see, with horror that Billy was not there anymore.  His mouth hung open in worry, then the waitress walked over to him.

 

“Your boyfriend ran out, he seemed really upset for some reason.” she explained, “He told me to give you this.” she handed him a note before walking off.

 

Teddy sat back down and opened the note, cupping his mouth in sheer horror at the words scribbled down.

 

_ Dear Teddy, _

_ I’m so sorry about what you’re going through because of me.  I consistently ruin your happiness and you deserve better.  I’m a lot of things; a murderer and a terrible boyfriend are what immediately come to mind, but worthy of you?  No. _

_ So I’m gonna do what’s best for everybody and remove myself from this world completely.  Then, nobody will die because of my powers, and you won’t have to put up with my bullshit any more. _

_ Don’t follow me, please.  I just want things to be better for you. _

_ All my love and apologies,  _

_ Billy. _

 

Teddy instantly scrapped the paper up and ran out of the diner, no longer caring about food as he soared up into the air, hell bent on finding Billy before he did something stupid.

 

He then noticed a tiny dot on the edge of the town bridge and immediately recognised it as Billy.  As the figure stepped off, he swooped down and caught him before he hit the water, then flew him back up to the pathway, Billy slumping against him as they flew.

 

When they landed, Billy pulled away, his face soaked with tears as he yelled, “Why the  _ hell  _ did you do that?”

 

“I don’t know, I could’ve asked you the same thing.” Teddy snapped back, “You think killing yourself is somehow gonna make my life all okay?   Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?”

 

Billy shouted, “You said you fell in love with a superhero.  I’m not that anymore, I’m nothing… nothing you deserve!”   
  


“You think I care for a  _ fucking _ minute about what I ‘deserve’?” Teddy retorted, and he could feel his earlier tears return, “I  _ want  _ you.  All I’ve ever wanted is you.  No scars or mistakes or Avengers business will change that.   _ Ever! _  Yes, I fell in love with a superhero, but I also fell for the man.” he reached out and cupped Billy’s cheek, “In all of this weird world, through my mom and Cassie and everything, all I’ve ever needed was you, and that won’t change.  I love you so please…  _ don’t leave me.” _

 

Billy ducked his head, sniffling, then threw his arms around Teddy, sobbing into his shoulder.  Teddy hugged him back, pressing kisses to the side of his head.  Billy mumbled apologies, ones that Teddy hushed because he didn’t need to hear them; he knew.

 

He always knew.

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think guys!


End file.
